Gentle parenting is an evidence-based strategy that emphasizes empathy, respect, understanding, and boundaries. It is patient, calm, and punishment-free.
Gentle parenting is a peaceful, positive style of parenting that is very different from that of previous generations of parents. It’s just one of many parenting philosophies available. There seem to be more variations than a fatigued parent can keep track of, ranging from permissive and authoritative to free-range and conscious. But gentle parenting might be something to think about if you’re looking to expand your toolkit.
But what exactly is gentle parenting, and how can you apply it to your day-to-day activities? From the foundations of this approach to the pros and cons, here’s everything you need to know about gentle parenting.
What Is Gentle Parenting?
Gentle parenting is a means of parenting without shame, blame, or punishment. Because both parents and children participate in this collaborative style, it is centered on partnership. Gentle parenting is as it sounds; it is a softer, gentler approach to parenting, and parents and caregivers that practice gentle parenting do so by guiding their children with consistent, compassionate boundaries—not a firm hand.
According to Lafayette, Colorado-based parenting coach Danielle Sullivan, host of the Neurodivergent Podcast, “gentle parenting, also known as collaborative parenting, is a style of parenting where parents do not compel children to behave by means of punishment or control, but rather use connection, communication, and other democratic methods to make decisions as a family.”
The four primary components of this parenting approach are boundaries, empathy, respect, and understanding.
What Are the Benefits of Gentle Parenting?
There are numerous benefits to gentle parenting. “Gentle parenting teaches children that they can be active in the world, set their own boundaries, trust their own needs, and make their voices heard.It provides a structure for kids to learn how to respectfully and clearly express themselves,” Sullivan says. “And this parenting style lessens the likelihood that they will be exploited by bullying conduct.”
Are Gentle Parenting Issues a Problem?
Although there are many advantages to gentle parenting, it is not a foolproof strategy. Even kind parenting has drawbacks.
Gentle parenting can occasionally be enabling and permissive, which can result in bad behavior. Being a gentle parent can be difficult. Children and parents may find it difficult to maintain structure and discipline when there is none. And not everyone should use this strategy. It takes a lot of endurance, practice, and patience to be a gentle parent. If you were not raised in this manner and/or if your child is unfamiliar with this method, it could be challenging to put this strategy into practice.
Gentle Parenting Techniques To Try
There are numerous gentle parenting strategies at your disposal, just like with other parenting philosophies. A few of these will come in handy in tense or hazardous circumstances.
Gentle parenting for beginners
Your best option is to start small if you’re looking for a way to implement gentle parenting in your life. Make a statement about inappropriate behavior on its own, putting the behavior and the offender apart. Regularly set an example of what you would like to see. Always act with kindness, compassion, and empathy. Additionally, attempt to be less strict and directive. Suggest tying your shoes rather than telling them to do so. “Do you think you should tie your shoes to prevent trips?” is an example of what I mean.
Patience and mannerisms are essential components of gentle parenting. “Magic happens when your children feel seen, heard, and understood,” says Katherine Sellery, founder and CEO of the Conscious Parenting Revolution and co-author of the Guidance Approach to Parenting.
Tips for when you’re frustrated
The first and most crucial step in implementing gentle parenting when you’re frustrated is to slow down.“Communicate with your child in a way that prioritizes connection and empathy, and then solve the problem in the way that works best for everyone, not just the adults,” says Sullivan.
Say you need to go to the grocery store, for example, and your 4-year-old won’t put on their coat. You’ve asked calmly several times and have been ignored. You’re beginning to lose your temper, become irritated, and fear that being late will ruin your entire day. How ought one to proceed? Take a moment to slow down.
“First, gather your thoughts and make a fresh commitment to the cooperative process,” advises Sullivan. “Ask your child in a calm, impartial voice what’s going on. Saying something like, “Hey, I noticed you’re not putting on your coat for the grocery store today,” would be appropriate. Could you please share your thoughts with me? Allow them time to consider the question. You can also ask yes/no questions if you think your question is too complicated for them. After listening patiently and understandingly, come up with a solution that benefits all parties.
“The answer is not one-size-fits-all,” Sullivan adds. “The solution needs to be one which works for you and your family.”
Tips for when you’re frustrated
The first and most crucial step in implementing gentle parenting when you’re frustrated is to slow down. “Communicate with your child in a way that prioritizes connection and empathy, and then solve the problem in the way that works best for everyone, not just the adults,” says Sullivan.
Say you need to go to the grocery store, for example, and your 4-year-old won’t put on their coat. You’ve asked calmly several times and have been ignored. You’re beginning to lose your temper, become irritated, and fear that being late will ruin your entire day. How ought one to proceed? Take a moment to slow down.