While the absence of romantic love sets a platonic relationship apart, these bonds can be some of the most powerful for anyone to develop throughout life.
The concept derives from the ideas of the ancient philosopher Plato (c. 428 BCE-c. 348 BCE) , from whose name the term is derived. Plato thought this type of love could bring individuals closer to a sacred ideal.
According to Plato, this bond is a type of love experienced when we identify positive qualities we feel complete within another person.
The contemporary use of the term is focused on the idea of people being close companions. The flip side of a platonic relationship is a romantic or sexual relationship. While the term is sometimes thought to involve only opposite-sex friends, it can also apply to same-sex friendships.
Platonic love happens when two individuals have a special bond. They sincerely care for and respect each other, lean on each other in good times and hard times, and have similar interests and values, but they do not pursue things romantically.
One could even experience love at first sight with platonic love if one is drawn to someone right away because you two share a passion for a particular activity or subject. However, love in the romantic sense is not part of the equation.
This concept may be tough to understand for people who do not have this kind of connection in their lives.
We frequently hear about non-sexual friendships in “will they” or “won’t they” terms, like romance, which is inevitable between two individuals who could theoretically be attracted to each other because of their sexual preferences.
There is a stigma around what types of friendships are acceptable and which are headed for disaster.
Signs Of Platonic Love
Platonic love is what people experience when there is trust, safety, and validation in a close relationship. It evokes a sense of “feeling good” and being cared for without romantic or sexual undertones.
Several characteristics distinguish a platonic relationship from other types of relationships:
Honesty: Both individuals feel a profound sense of transparency. They believe they can share their innermost thoughts, feelings, and concerns without judgment. This openness fosters trust and deepens the bond.
Understanding: Those in a platonic relationship value each other’s boundaries. They have a deep connection, recognizing and respecting the other’s personal space and limits. They support rather than impose, ensuring each person’s autonomy remains intact.
Closeness: This relationship is marked by a mutual affinity and shared experiences. Both parties often find common ground, whether in hobbies, interests, or worldviews, strengthening their bond.
Acceptance: A hallmark of platonic relationships is the ease with which both individuals interact. They appreciate each other’s quirks and imperfections, creating an environment where each person feels valued and understood, allowing for genuine self-expression without fear of rejection.
Examples Of Platonic Relationships
“Womance” or “Bromance”
These words describe non-sexual, close, affectionate bonds between two women or two men.
Think of womances and bromances like next-level friendships; these pairings are definitely in BFF (best friends forever) territory.
One thing to clarify is that they love each other but are not in love.
Work “Wife” or “Husband“
These terms often indicate a close but non-sexual connection between colleagues and co-workers. It involves bonds and sometimes even roles similar to that of a marriage.
These co-workers or colleagues are very close, to the point that they could rely on each other the same way they would a romantic partner, without the romance part.
They might run chores for each other, attend events and conferences as each other’s plus one and hang out together socially beyond the office.
They are also typically known for sticking up for each other and covering for each other as needed in the office setting.
Mentor and Mente
A mentorship bond can be a profound platonic relationship. The mentor provides guidance, advice, and support, while the mentee learns and grows.
This relationship is rooted in mutual respect, trust, and shared goals without romantic undertones.
Remember, the crux of a platonic relationship lies in the deep emotional connection, trust, and mutual respect between two individuals, without the complexities of romantic or sexual feelings.
Cultivating & Maintaining Platonic Relationships
Platonic relationships an be crucial for psychological well-being. Studies have found that having social support plays a crucial role in mental health, so creating a network of people, including family, platonic friends, and other loved ones, can be vital for overall wellness.
However, finding and developing a platonic relationship with which you have an undeniable connection and friendship with someone you can reveal your soul is not something that just happens every day.
However, one can give oneself a fighting opportunity to develop these relationships by focusing on finding and being with people through things in life that are meaningful to you.
Look for People with Similar Interests
It makes sense that if your platonic friends are the ones who make you feel whole, you might want to find them in areas you are passionate about or have a liking.
A great example is if you are an avid reader, you may find like-minded friends in book clubs. Do you love cross-stitching?
Maybe you join in on a community cross-stitching course, and chances are you share more than that commonality with other people in the training group.
The bottom line is that the more interests you share with a friend, the more likely you will have a long-term friendship.
Promote Deep Conversations
Activities are not the only area you can sync with someone. Having deep discussions can be an excellent way to acquire insights into someone’s broader perspectives.
One may find you both have a devotion to theoretical physics, or perhaps you both enjoy ancient alien debates.
Deep conversations can be a form to discover meaningful connections – you are trusting your more profound opinions with someone for contemplation, just as they are entrusting you with theirs.
Self-Disclosure
Self-disclosure is sharing personal information with others they would not normally know or discover. We form more intimate connections with people with whom we disclose important information about ourselves.
This usually happens when trust has been established, and we can be confident that the information we reveal will not be released to others and cause us embarrassment.
Periodic Upkeep
Platonic relationships are usually those friendships where you can talk once a year and still pick up where you both last left off.
While this kind of lower-maintenance friendship can be gratifying, even these links need attention. One can keep platonic companionships thriving through little acts of politeness, like:
Checking in just to see how they are doing
Making an effort to be there as support if they tell you that they are going through a hard time
Sharing equal responsibility for invitations to events or plans
Showing little acts of compassion
Letting them know you are appreciative of their input and efforts
Call, text, email, or even send letters to the other person now and again just to keep the relationship with a line of communication open.
Tell the other person that you are thinking of them and reach out to say anything like sharing a funny joke or just asking them how they are.
Do not always rely on the other individual to initiate all communications or make all the plans. Ensure you reach out to them often to invite them to participate in activities.
Be There for Them
If you have ever experienced someone helping you out in your darkest moments, you know that people can be an important source of emotional support.
However, it is essential to remember that it is just as crucial for you to give back that support to others.
Be there when your friend tells you that they need you, even if it is just to lend a listening and supportive ear.
Here are some bonus tips:
Participate in online communities
Sign up for classes or workshops on subjects that interest you
Join social networking groups to meet new people
Volunteer for causes you are passionate about in your community
In addition to creating new platonic relationships, it is also essential to understand how to keep the ones you have now healthy and robust.
Some methods include being supportive, maintaining boundaries, and practicing honesty.
Be aware that it is also crucial to know when to let go of a platonic relationship. Unwholesome relationships can create unnecessary stress, so do not be afraid to end your connection with the other person if they are being hurtful, unkind, manipulative, or do not support you when you need the support.
Why Do You Need Platonic Love?
A platonic relationship means that you have a person in your space whom you can trust, who has your back and brings you joy, but who is not necessarily engaged with you in a sexual type of relationship.
Feeling Closeness Without the Added Strain
In a platonic relationship, you do not need to worry about where the relationship is going or if the other person is necessarily on the “same page” as you are.
One can maintain closeness with each other in a low-stakes way. You are not thinking about the next step or where your relationship will be in a year.
You are getting the perks of a romantic relationship regarding emotional intimacy and none of the drawbacks.
Maintaining a Relationship with Boundaries
Practicing setting, maintaining, and respecting boundaries is an essential life skill. Thankfully, having a platonic relationship allows one to do this all the time.
Because you and your friend are committed to staying friends, you both stick to the boundary of no romance or sex, allowing each other the freedom to just be with one another without wondering “what if?”
This is also great practice for establishing boundaries with other people, from family members to acquaintances.
Gaining a Unique Perspective
If your platonic friend is of another sex, gender, or gender identity than you are, you can reap the advantages of looking at a given situation and even the world from their point of outlook.
This can be useful when navigating a challenging situation at work, dating, trying to pinpoint red flags, or whenever you just need an extra set of eyes and ears on your present life circumstances.
The Relationship Just Exists Peacefully
With platonic love, your relationship is enduring. Yes, you can get closer at times or drift apart here and there, but your bond is not on some trajectory, with the endpoint being either marriage or breaking up.
Having Someone to Confide In Completely
A platonic relationship comes with the significant benefit of being able to spill your secrets, most profound fears, and disliked opinions without fretting about judgment, vengeance, or word getting out about your opinions.
Having a confidant as a friend is one of the most notable bonuses of a deep, trusting, platonic friendship.
Psychology research suggests that gaining love and support from people in one’s life can have significant health benefits.
This type of support can lower one’s risk for disease, improve one’s immunity, and decrease one’s risk for depression and anxiety.
One’s platonic support system can help provide emotional support by listening to what you have to say, providing validation, and helping when needed.
Getting to be 100% Yourself
When you are in a romantic relationship, there is usually an inclination to try to impress the other person, particularly in the beginning. One does their makeup, or their hair, or dons the cutest outfits.
One might defer to them about what to do on a date or pretend enthusiasm for activities they enjoy.
Truthfully, all of this can be a bit exhausting. Whereas, in a platonic relationship, you can just be your genuine self, because the stakes just are not as high.
Moreover, by just being yourself, you will ultimately feel so secure that you may not even be enticed to try to impress others.
By using your platonic relationship as preparation for showing off the real you, you could actually find more genuine connections with potential romantic partners.
Gaining a Real Connection
Platonic love is not about setting your feelings aside and putting your friend’s feelings first. It is not about putting up a facade. These friendships thrive on clear communication.
While one never wants to be so honest that one comes off as mean or thoughtless, not having to hold back one’s feelings can be a relief for many people.
Fighting Without the Drama
In a romantic relationship, fighting and conflict can be scary. Some thoughts always running in the back of couples’ minds could be, what if one big fight leads to a breakup?
In a platonic relationship, you will get annoyed with each other or have words about a given topic or situation. But what happens?
You might get angry; maybe you will stop talking for a few days and work things out. It is just not that big of an issue.
Enhanced Resilience
Platonic relationships can play a significant role in helping one become more resilient when facing life’s challenges.
It could involve troubles in one’s romantic relationships, problems in one’s family, work struggles, or health challenges, one’s platonic relationships can support you as you endure these storms.
One study found that one of the most significant indicators of an individual’s ability to recover after a stressful or traumatic event was the presence of solid friendships.
Lower Stress
Stress can take a severe toll on both physical and mental health. Chronic or prolonged stress can cause and contribute to health problems like cardiac disease, high blood pressure, decreased immunity, and digestive issues.
However, having solid platonic relationships outside of close family and romantic partnerships has been found to help individuals cope better with the origins of stress.
Not only that, having supportive platonic friendships decreases the stress that people face.
Potential Challenges Of Platonic Relationships
Misunderstood Intentions: Others might misinterpret the closeness between friends as a budding romantic relationship. This can lead to unwanted gossip, speculation, or pressure to take the relationship to a ‘next level.’
Maintain open communication with friends and acquaintances about the nature of your relationship to clear any misconceptions.
Jealous Partners: If one or both individuals in a platonic relationship have romantic partners, there can be jealousy or insecurity. Romantic partners might feel threatened or uncomfortable with the close bond.
Ensure that both your platonic and romantic partners understand and respect each other’s roles in your life. Open dialogues can help alleviate unnecessary jealousy.
Developing Feelings (unrequited love): Over time, one person might develop romantic or sexual feelings for the other. This can create tension, especially if the feelings are not reciprocated.
It’s essential to introspect and recognize these feelings early. Discussing them honestly can help both parties decide the best path forward.
If upkeeping a platonic relationship is vital, focus on establishing and maintaining clear boundaries. For instance, limit things such as time spent together, amount of contact, and physical intimacy.
Boundary Confusion: Since platonic relationships can be deeply intimate, defining boundaries can sometimes be challenging, especially compared to other friendships or relationships.
Establish clear emotional and physical boundaries from the onset and revisit them if the dynamics change.
Cultural and Social Pressures: In some cultures or societies, close friendships between opposite genders (or even same genders in some contexts) are frowned upon or misunderstood, which can place strain on the relationship.
Educate friends and family about the value and importance of platonic relationships. Stand firm on the relationship’s integrity.
Changing Life Circumstances: Events like moving to a new place, starting a family, or significant career changes can strain the dynamics of a platonic relationship, especially if one person becomes less available than before.
Regularly check in with each other. Adjust expectations based on changing situations to ensure the relationship remains balanced.
Over-dependence: Because of the closeness, there might be an over-reliance on one another, which can prevent both parties from developing other meaningful relationships or becoming self-reliant in certain areas.
Foster other friendships and engage in solo activities. It’s essential to maintain a sense of individuality and avoid putting undue pressure on a single relationship.
Can A Platonic Relationship Turn Romantic?
Platonic relationships can evolve into romantic ones. Such transformations aren’t uncommon and are influenced by a myriad of factors. Let’s explore how these shifts can occur and ways to navigate them:
Factors Leading to Romantic Evolution:
Deep Emotional Connection: Over time, mutual trust and understanding can foster strong emotional bonds, which might pave the way for romantic feelings.
Shared Experiences: Going through significant life events together, like traveling or facing challenges, can deepen connections and introduce romantic elements.
Physical Attraction: Sometimes, an underlying physical attraction, initially overshadowed by friendship, can become more pronounced.
Life Phase: As individuals grow and evolve, what they seek in relationships can change, leading a platonic bond to develop into a romantic one.
Navigating the Transition:
Open Communication: Discussing your feelings with your friend is crucial if you feel the relationship is taking a romantic turn. Transparent conversations can help both parties understand where they stand.
Mutual Consent: Both parties should feel comfortable with the idea of transitioning from platonic to romantic. If one person isn’t on board, it can strain or even break the bond.
Take It Slow: A gradual shift ensures that you don’t rush things or make impulsive decisions that might jeopardize the relationship.
Seek External Perspectives: Sometimes, a third-person perspective, like that from a therapist or mutual friend, can offer valuable insights into the changing dynamics.
Prepare for Change: Understand that introducing romance will inevitably change the nature of your relationship. You’ll face new challenges, joys, and dynamics that differ from your platonic phase.
Risks and Considerations:
Fear of Loss: Transitioning to a romantic relationship carries the risk of a potential breakup, which might mean losing a partner and a close friend.
Changing Dynamics: The nature of interactions, expectations, and boundaries will evolve, which can take time to navigate.
Queerplatonic Relationships
A “Queerplatonic” relationship (often abbreviated as QPR) is a relationship that doesn’t fit within the traditional boundaries of romantic or platonic partnerships.
It describes a bond that may be deeper and more committed than what most people regard as friendship, but it doesn’t necessarily fit the mold of a conventional romantic relationship.
Intensity and Commitment: A QPR might involve a level of commitment comparable to romantic partnerships. This could mean cohabitation, life planning together, or raising children together.
Not Defined by Sexuality: While the relationship can involve physical affection, it doesn’t necessarily include sexual or romantic components. However, it’s more about emotional closeness.
Fluid and Flexible: The boundaries and definitions of queerplatonic relationships are often flexible, varying from one relationship to another.
Terminology: The term “queerplatonic” combines “queer” (used here in the sense of being outside the norm) and “platonic” (indicating a non-romantic relationship).
Acknowledging Diversity: This concept recognizes the diverse ways people can form close, meaningful, and committed bonds outside of traditional relationship models.
It’s essential to understand that relationships, including queerplatonic ones, are highly individual. What one queerplatonic relationship looks like can differ significantly from another.
The key is the mutual understanding and agreement between the involved parties regarding the nature and expectations of their bond.